Dealing with the government can be a very tedious and annoying process. I personally would never want a government job until now. Let’s create jobs and promote the arts while we’re at it, all while giving people a better experience with the government. This is why I propose my three-part plan.

Let me explain

Most of your time dealing with the government you will spend it on hold.

The government apparently hired a shitty musician to make a six second song to play on repeat for the average of 20 to 35 minutes you’ll spend on hold. This means A miserable experience. There’s no excuse for bad music!!! America has a lot of good music.

I have a couple solutions, however, my three-part plan is the “cleanest”.


Use data mining for something useful

Figure out what type of music we like, you already have. It’s usually used to figure out what to put on our screen as advertising so we can buy stuff, but what if they can promote a dying industry such as music. I don’t like Data mining, but they’re going to do it, so at least we should benefit a little from it, and use it for something more than just ads.


Work with Pandora

Create an algorithm, therefore our hold music is in our taste. I know I know I know you’re thinking, “but that’s an invasion of our privacy.” Look… When you call any Company, they see your number, and it brings up your account. They’re all linked up, so… might as well get some entertainment out of the deal.

It would work like this:  You call, your number comes up, it links up to your Pandora preferences and plays your algorithm on your phone… done.


Use the person’s ZIP Code to also promote local artists.

Throw em’ in there, and tell em about there tour dates, concerts in their area, stuff like that.

Why would the government be involved with music??? Why would the government be involved with anything really??? I thought they were just there to tax things and fix potholes. We have to remember that in this “make America great again” bullshit, one of the greatest things America ever did was our music. Jazz, blues, rock n roll, hip-hop, I personally feel that those things are at least 30% better of an export than weapons… I mean send Metallica to another country and watch 200,000 people show up and rock, or send a bomb. What would so promote our best export that promotes goodwill.

Some other ideas would be to:

  • Learn Spanish
  • Fun facts
  • Nutrition advice
  • Audio books
  • Basically anything but that damn 6 second loop of garbage they have now.